Notes from our Readers

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I have found your web site and like your prayer support very much. I warn you this is a bit long but yet its only a summary of the most important things. Thanks for bearing with me.

Actually now through my study of deliverance, it was erotic mysticism. And even though I knew that mysticism was wrong, that’s what invaded me. Of course, this was strong delusion. I just didn’t know what it was. I’d be praying or something, and all of a sudden, you feel a strong intimacy. Almost, it has you convinced that it’s the intimacy that the Lord seeks with us. And so you think its ok. It’s not exactly sexual. But it’s deeper than that, and far more dangerous too. It centers in the middle of the body, an ecstasy of some sort. I don’t know how to describe it. It builds and builds, then explodes I guess, and you feel a ‘false’ love that is well beyond words. It looked like a tidal wave once, that washed over me. Mysticism focuses on these sort of experiences: intimacy with the Lord, holiness, consecration; yet it leaves out the most important basics of what Jesus is all about, it draws you away. I am almost in disbelief as I write this. How could I, having been so well educated in the truth in my whole life, get caught up in this. I know now. It had me convinced that through these last few months, I was fine. My wounds were healed from past events in life. And I’m just waiting on the Lord till he brings me my directions. I actually used those wounds. I wanted to just stay home and pray all the time. I was very passive about life, just ministering to the Lord. It is not by any means wrong, but the goal of the demons is to keep the Christian out of the way and become oblivious to life as they attack and take over which they almost did. These things are important: prayer and ministering to the Lord. But the demons can also use it deceptively to slowly take control.

One day as I was praying, I thought I had felt/seen a real um...powerful cloud above me. It had me convinced it was God. I was so in awe, so duped. The next day, the same thing happened. It came and picked me up...I was still on my knees but I was so dizzy as I went upwards. What I saw must have been stars then a planet (!) and they had me thinking I was being shown something awesome. How fooled I was. Then I felt kinda left there. I didn’t know where I was, and this continued on for a few weeks, maybe a month or 2. I would go on with life, normally, but disoriented, and started having dizzy spells. I had no idea what was going on. I had heard the word star travel during this, but I dismissed it and even rebuked the thought and “countered” it with Scripture. Little did I know. All this time, I had been living life as I had before, submitting myself to the Lord, yielding to the Holy Spirit, just feeling like the devil was finally leaving me alone to get on with my ministry to the Lord. Not that it’s bad of course but I understand the purpose now. I’m still trying to digest all these myself. Meanwhile, they were distracted by the feeling of moving, I could see little “stars” move when I’d close my eyes, or open them. And it was getting worse. Then as I was praying (my prayer life never changes, its just that this stuff invaded), I felt something come over my body, a beam. I saw a beam going through my body. I felt it too. Twice I did that. Eyes open or closed, I saw it. Then I started shaking really bad, and as it subsided...(during this period of time I remember now picking up “Pigs in the Parlor” but not knowing why) I felt what I can only say... warm hands on my shoulders, and I had been feeling really really cold the past few days, so it was very noticeable. During this whole time, I had seen a cloud, now that I think about it, it was not as bright as the very first I saw. Not dark either. They had me thinking it was the Holy Spirit. I feel stupid saying this, I know better...I know better. And “he” had become very close to me. So deceptive. Christians have no clue how deceived most of them are. I never in a lifetime would have believed this stuff. NEVER. Yet here I was. So this cloud had been with me, now I see vast differences pretty much. The warm hands...oh yeah. It was at that point, I almost started snapping out of something...and wondering if this whole thing was “of God”. The beam thing really shook me up. Little by little, it was like I was realizing an awful, shocking truth, and it was hard for me to accept it. So hard and very disappointing too. I never believed it. When I heard their true nature did I get it. My mom had been dealing with her own stuff regarding deliverance, and that had to do with alien spirits. She and her brother saw an actual UFO at the same time, and both were talking about the details the other day. It came for 2 nights. The last night, he ran to her room, she stayed to watch what it did and doesn't remember the rest of the night. I found out later that everything that has happened with myself and her are all under this grouping. This all came from the hippie days. I’m from New Mexico, the land of enchantment. It abounds there. I never believed in this stuff, even though my dad would take us to look for UFO’s. Its still hard for me to swallow. But these experiences were most real.

These particular spirits are responsible for the things I have experienced, according to a deliverance minister. So now, basically, I have repented for everything that had happened, even though it was in ignorance, and according to the demon busters.com site. That’s what I had been experiencing in dreams and awake, though I truly believe that the warm hands were the Lord’s, saying Hey...wake up!! This is not me. It took a day or so to snap out of it but I felt lost. Meanwhile, the demons are so royally pissed that I turned on them basically, and they have turned on me. The other night in a dream, one told me he was going to take over me, and something about punishment and I woke up and said “You don’t have the authority to do anything! and I let him know I was the property of Jesus. I had recommitted my life to the Lord of course and every part of me is covered by the blood. In righteousness I’m established, etcetera. Punish me...as if. Yet I know I have been given power over them...Now I could write more volumes on what I’ve done in spiritual warfare and have regained major territory. And I fully realized, admitted, confessed and repented...renounced too.... it was so hard to believe. So hard.

I have never intentionally dabbled in occult mind you. My mom’s husband has admitted practicing witchcraft against me. He’s mad at me for throwing him in jail 2 times for domestic violence. He is currently separated from my mom. When he comes, it is when I see most of them. I have broken curses, etc. I have been confessing the Word, and that strengthens me quite a bit. Many of them have left. There was one that circled me all the time, a big one. And I dealt with him. He’s gone, I started circling him. I could see him and kept telling him about what a loser he is and what a winner I am because of Jesus, etc. etc. etc... Many have left, I have felt them move around in my body. It is rapidly diminishing. I wrote this on 8/9. It’s only been since around 8/2 when I snapped out of all this. I’m in partial fasting during this whole time. Again, several have left. The other night they mimicked a bad heart attack. They’ve really been working in my heart area, trying to wear out my heart, telling me they were gonna kill me, and leave my mom to raise my son (that’s a whole different story). Yet the demons my mom has been battling tell her the same thing. I’ve been fasting myself and continually studying the Word, getting as built up as I can, allowing the Lord to show me the truth of the situation, and I’m still shocked. How could I ever have gotten into that?

I have found someone who had been seeing what I have seen. I’ve seen whitish filmy things floating through the house, and others that were almost invisible, then yet others that were black...see them meld together, hanging around my room, touching me, etc...It’s like a distortion moving around. A former occult member wrote she has seen them, and sometimes there was a smell of smoke, which are both what I have experienced. I’ve done all I know to do in the binding and casting department, and they reinforce. I told them they were forbidden from reinforcing in Jesus name and it helped somehow. Its a tense situation. I’m not afraid at all. I know I’m assured of victory without a doubt. The Lord showed me myself fully armed, advancing towards an enemy who’s at the edge of the cliff, and I’m about to push him off.

It’s just why do I see them. In a way its been a very confusing situation. They’re very deceptive. When the bible says Satan comes as an angel of light, it’s the truth. That’s what threw me as I was going by what they looked like and thought I could trust them. Another deception. You don’t go by that. You go by what the Lord shows you, discernment. See I knew this stuff all along.

At one point, when I realized astral travel was involved, I was shocked but felt led to say, “In the name of Jesus put me back where the Lord intended for me to be, and in the right dimension”. Imagine that! I started falling! I was so dizzy...I was like dropped...I said also, “Lord, send angels to come and get me, and put me back where I am supposed to be, I went faster but wasn’t as dizzy...and somehow I knew there were 3 angels with me. 2 on the side and one on top of me. I don’t know how I knew this. It’s like my spirit has become unusually sensitive to the spirit world, I just wish it wasn’t demons I see..I asked the Lord to only make me become aware of what he intended for people to be aware of, and anything else out of His will, let it cease. After reading your site I get it now. So I was on my way down, back to where I was supposed to be I guess. I called the deliverance minister. She said if I’m not back in 15 minutes, call her. (ROFL!! that was the funniest thing I ever heard). Anyway after half an hour I called her and said I noticed I was in familiar territory...I don’t know how I knew this. I felt like I touched down but I think while I sleep they try it again. I commanded them to put me back and they did, and asked for angels to come and make sure they don’t do it again.

There’s still other attacks while I sleep. Last night, I had a dream that something was holding me down. I couldn’t move. No matter what I said, it wouldn’t let go. I woke up and felt the same thing on my shoulder right where I was being held down in the dream. Only I could move this time. So I got up and had a “talk” with it, did more warfare, and went to sleep for a bit.

So I would highly appreciate prayer. I know my rights, who I am in Christ. I just need insight or something into this intense battle. It’s almost like seeing them in a distraction. When I try to pray, they’ll do stuff like a “whirlwind” around me. I can see it but its not their attempts that work. The Lord has really helped me keep centered on Him, my eyes on Him, etc. But it’s a fierce battle. To God be all the glory for sure, He’s brought me so far. Truly, whether I make my bed in hell, He is there, or whether I ascend into the highest heavens (how does that scripture go...) He is there. He saved my life again. like I said, the’re really really pissed for me “turning against” them. But no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I like 2 Sam 22 or 23...It’s all about defeating my enemies...I read to them often, assuring them I know my power and authority in Christ is FAR greater than theirs.

It’s amazing, how many ministers these days don’t get it, had I not experienced this, I wouldn’t have either. Yet of course, I truly want my life to be used for His glory, I have given up my former career, wanting to be used for His purposes, yet for the right reasons this time...to take back the territory the devil stole, and seeing the captives set free. Too many Christians remain too passive. I know I was one.

I know this was a really long one, but I truly needed prayer support, and I thank you for bearing with me. This is something that I never thought was real...and it was quite a shock. Yet I know victory is assured, I need strength and discernment to know how to deal with these...(according to Job 30 in the Living Bible (its funnier in the Living Bible)) stupid, useless fools. <grin>

My mom herself is really going through it. She’s really freaked out/panicked. She experiences similar burning torment and feels like its going deeper and deeper, leave her feeling eaten alive/destroyed inside, and is really having a hard time with knowing how to fight. She’s done this her whole life yet this has been unreal. She anointed my brother’s bed, and something major major attacked her, resulting in this burning. I know how she feels. I went through 2 days of it. She’s going on 3 or so. The deliverance minister is doing all she knows to do, and is well experienced. After being attacked she felt a drilling in her head, then the burning. I am helping her get stronger on the Word and she is starting to not feel so lost in this whole thing. But we need major prayer support. One other big problem in her, according to the deliverance minister, is soul fragmentation. So she is having a hard time fighting in spiritual warfare in general. But now that she’s reading the Word out loud, confessing it, helped tremendously. They told both of us we’d be dead in a few days. I know how to respond to it but my mom is not so sure, and feels panic coming on. We’re not “baby Christians” but do need support. She feels unable to do what’s necessary to advance in the battle, as is described in your site and others. She’s very desperate.

Yet...Through our God, we shall do valiantly...for it is he, that shall tread down our enemies!!

I’d say...mainly I need to know how to. Let’s say, first of all get these things cleared out. I’ve done everything under the sun...volumes. I’m on a fast, going on second week I think. I am very familiar with deliverance, but I need to know specifics of the situation. It all tends to be very confusing yet I understand most of it. I need to know how to specifically deal with these morons I see, I do the basics, but need revelation in this area. No one except demon stompers seems to have dealt with those that see them like I do, or at least no one mentions it. I’ve gone through a large list of curses to break them, etc. etc. etc. The battle has been fierce, it’s been an eye opener, but I know, every time the enemy strikes I get stronger.

<<There were a few times though that my feelings pick up the spirit of other people. That is when I know quickly that a person has bitternesss or resentment. The first time I noticed this was when I was in a friend’s house. In the middle of conversation, his teenage daughter coming home from school passed by me. A mild pain pricked my heart.>>

Is that what it is, when I look at someone, I feel that same thing, and didn’t know what it was...? Or sometimes I feel something touch my finger, etcetera. Only I can see it. In fact I’ve been dealing with the heart pain/racing. Dunno if it’s related, but it stops when one of those “clouds” is commanded to move away from me. Only it comes back a while later, over and over. There are several other things going on after reading your site like this that I’ve felt and it all makes sense now. I now understand most of the questions I have in this letter after going through your site I must say, and have a better idea how to approach this. Thank God I found you!

Take Care,

Ayesha Coxon

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created 11/28/00